Exceive

I used the Warning Label Generator to make this.

Sometimes you get an email claiming to be from some organization - a bank or eBay, for example - asking you for some information to clear up a problem that you supposedly have or are about to have. The email is from a scammer, not the organization in question. If you give the information, it will be used for fraud.

This is called “phishing”.

Lately, I’ve been getting a lost of them like the following, claiming to be from the CIA or FBI.

Dear Sir/Madam,

we have logged your IP-address on more than 30 illegal Websites.

Important:
Please answer our questions!
The list of questions are attached.

Yours faithfully,
Steven Allison

++++ Central Intelligence Agency -CIA-
++++ Office of Public Affairs
++++ Washington, D.C. 20505

++++ phone: (703) 482-0623
++++ 7:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m., US Eastern time

Some cute things here.

1) This came to my work email address. At work, I share an IP address with a whole bunch of people. I’m sure that the computer people at the CIA are aware that this is an extremely common situation. That IP address could be anybody at the office. If I were accessing illegal web sites (I’m not, that would be incredibly stupid - Internet cafes and libraries don’t fire you) that could be traced very easily by the network administrator, and that’s who the real CIA would probably contact first.

2) “Office of Public Affairs”. I can think of exactly two parts of the CIA where I wouldn’t worry about them contacting me. The other one is “accounts payable”. The Office of Public Affairs is the office that distributes press releases and answers routine questions from the general public that have non-confidential answers.

No, I didn’t open the file that came with this. For one thing, the office anti-virus software deleted it.

I get somewhere between 1 and 5 of these per day. About half of them say FBI instead of CIA.

So, what do you do if you get one of these?
First, don’t panic. The real authorities don’t do business this way. In fact, there is a notice about this right in the middle of the CIA home page.
Do NOT open the file. It is almost certainly either something bad or a link to something bad.
If you are worried that this might be from the real authorities and you want to be sure to avoid trouble, look them up in the phone book or on the web and call a local office or pick up the phone and say “president bush abu musabi airplane”. You also might contact them to find out if they would like you to forward the email to them to try to track down the scammers, but they probably have plenty of copies already.

“The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.”

Oscar Wilde

Don’t eat the bread with the weird fungus on it.

Researchers at MIT have completed a vital and timely study: On the Effectiveness of Aluminium Foil Helmets:
An Empirical Study

Certain people need to know this important information. My brother Steve in particular.

SITO Artchive: ‘quien es quien 2′ by Bernardo H. Garza

Bernardo has some wonderfully twisted, mixed up images. Some are figurative, some chimeric (that’s what I like) others are non-representational. All have a certain detatched feel to them.

Yet another spam title that I like.

I received an email under a different title, telling me that the Freemason society has chosen to give me a grant of 2.5 million dollars, to advance the “continuous freedom of man and to enhance mans living conditions.”

Well, on the off chance (probability within epsilon of zero) that the grant is legitimate, I guarantee that the money will be used to enhance at least one man’s living conditions, and for the continuous freedom of a particular man. I’d see to it that the improved living conditions and freedom emanated outward to others in an ever-widening circle of personal and economic relationships. Same as my salary and any other resources that come my way. I don’t tend to join things (the name Error 404 reflects my level of attendance at non-paid functions) so I will probably pass on the membership offer. Unless you guys pay - but if I have 2.5 million dollars handy, I probably won’t show up for money either.

I have a choice about spam: I can be annoyed or I can be amused. The second doesn’t burn my meds. But if an opportunity to subject a spammer or an email scammer (seriously, the “Freemanson grant” email is just a variation on the Nigerian Letter scam, and millions of people have received a copy) to legal action comes my way, amusement and mercy are two very different things.

Yesterday, I spent a lovely Sunday tearing out the rotten kitchen floor and counters at a flat that I rent out.

A tennant has just moved out, and another is moving in soon.

The old tennant had a problem with the kitchen drain and repaired it with duct tape and electrical tape. Judging from the smell and the spread of the rot, it must have happened some time ago.

Why didn’t the tennant didn’t just call me up and say there was a problem with the drain? Or mention it during one of my regular “how’s it going, any problems” calls? A complete replacement of the pipes involved would have been a quick and easy job, and the cost would have been on me. Instead, he lived with a mess and a foul smell and exposed himself and his son to a risk of disease for months and I have an expensive and difficult job in front of me, of which the original problem is a tiny part.

I don’t get it.

Oh wait - I just noticed this thing I posted a while back and perhaps it explains it all.

Sometimes the titles on spam are interesing.

I actualy opened “I begin as primordial curvacious” on the off chance that the contents would continue the idea. The contents never do. This one was hawking fake Rolexes that were neither curvacious nor primordial, nor was there a narrator with either characteristic.

Sometimes I feel like this guy was here last night…

‘Brainfairy’ by Steev